Somebody poisoned the waterhole . . .

Athletic pubalgia
Athletic pubalgia, also called the sportman's hernia or sports hernia, Gilmore's groin or groin disruption, is a medical condition of the groin affecting sportsmen[1]. Jerry Gilmore recognized the syndrome in 1980 and developed a surgical repair technique. It is a syndrome characterized by chronic groin pain in athletes and a dilated superficial ring of the inguinal canal. Soccer players are affected most frequently, and both recreational and professional athletes may be affected. A hernia cannot be found on physical examination or medical imaging, and is not present during surgery; thus the term hernia is a misnomer[2].
The exact lesion may differ, but common pathologic findings at operation are [3] :

torn external oblique aponeurosis
tear in the conjoint tendon
conjoint tendon torn from pubic tubercle
dehiscence between conjoined tendon and inguinal ligament
tear in the fascia transversalis [2]
abnormal insertion of the rectus abdominis muscle
tear of the abdominal internal oblique muscle from the pubic tubercle
entrapment of the ilioinguinal nerve or genitofemoral nerve[4]

(thanks Wikipedia)

Suddenly March Madness has taken an entirely new meaning for Revs fans as Pat Noonan has picked up his second case of the above . . . umm . . . disease? . . . injury? . . . problem? Somebody translate the above please . . . And off to Germany he goes. Surgery will take up to 3 weeks of recovery, meaning he too could miss the opener (and likely wouldn't be in the best shape or chemistry to play in it anyways). So take some time to get to know Adam Cristman, likely Twellman's strike partner if there is one.